Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

You're never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.

Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator

Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.

Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

You never know where to look when eating a banana.

Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.

The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

Some days you see lots of people on crutches

Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush (is this one true?)

Old women with mobile phones look wrong!

Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

You never ever run out of salt.

You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.

No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.

The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.

People who don't drive slam car doors too hard

You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.

Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

It was my nans 70^th birthday on Friday, my mums 50^th today and my sisters 17^th today…yes I am now skint!  We’re all off to a family dinner this evening which should be a nice event, buy my family are a little kooky and somethings bound to go wrong!  Love them all to death really

I often like to browse through the blogs of others as i'm rather nosey interested in people

I am sure there is some serious espionage going on in this here blogland (Well thats my theory)... i've come across some peculiar blogs. They usually go along the lines of...

Blogger:
The camels were born of the 5th centurion. What say you?

Comment:
Lazarus holds the words. Drink the Eskimo

So I went to the psychic fayre with my mate, i’ll call her Lyn.  Her mum (Mo) asked to tag along and I was fine with that, the more the merrier.  So we arrived at this little hall, and there’s about 10 different readers (tarot, clairvoyants, healers) around.  In the centre was a square table where they were selling trinkets, crystals and other paraphernalia.  I take a quick look and decided I kinda liked the look of this one fella sitting in the corner, had a good vibe.When we walked in there, Mo tells me my nans with me.  I was like oooooooookay whilst smiling, nodding and backing away slowly.  Then Lyn tells me her mums a medium .  I’ve know Lyn for 8 years and I never knew that about her mum.  Anyway, could have been an educated guess, im old enough to have a dead grandparent. 

So Im asking Mo who shes getting a good feeling from. I could see the old psychic senses tingling (or she had heart burn) and she points out my fella and some other women.  The other woman looked like she was chewing on wasps and so Lyn and myself opt for the dude in the corner.  Lyn goes first so I sit with Mo chatting about her ‘gift’.  Actually it was quite interesting and I think the first time we’ve had a real conversation.  I like her, shes pretty sweet.  She told me was that I’d be getting a job offer in July.  Now i’m one of those rare few people that actually enjoys and likes her work, so im thinking ‘wotever’.   

I then spot these two ladies waiting for my psychic dude to finish Lyn’s reading.  I’ve been waiting for 25mins now. I panicked thinking these two are going to go wriggle their way in next.  At these places most readers have a book where you place your name so the reader knows whos next - now when we arrived the hall was pretty empty but it was fast filling up.  I casually walk to the guys table and glance at the book….they haven’t written their name on the sacred book (thank god!)  So I pick the book up and write down my name.  I may aswell have slapped one of them since the reaction I got was pretty much the same.  They argued about the wait they’d had, I counteracted that with my own whine, they look pissed off, reader gets involved ‘break it up ladies’ and then tells the ladies my names in the book and I have been waiting longer.  They’re not happy and spend much time giving me dirty looks.  Charming. 

So I eventually went to sit with the dude.  He was a lovely guy and told me a few things.  Not what I wanted to hear mind you, but he told me things anyway

The organiser of the event was doing this introduction to Tarot to anyone who was interested.  Lyn fancied it and it was apparently going to last 6 mins (it lasted a lot bloody longer) so the 3 of us and another lady sat with the organiser.  He started off with a little history, then paused mid way to speak to Mo.  Told her about someone who wanted to say hello.  She knew who he meant apparently so they went back and forth like old friends.  Then he turned to Lyn and told her she would be going on holiday to Burnham-On_Sea in autumn (I was thinking how fucking random) when Lyn says shes booked her holiday there in October already (at this point im like what the fuck). He then went into a reading for the other lady who was with us.  She disagreed with most of what he said and he said a lot (I felt it was bad etiquette or something to get up and walk away while she was in the middle of things so there i waited...).  He also told her that a fluorescent light should be changed in her house.  She just complained she had no man or male friends to help her….Mo started giving her a number of an electrician. I had a numb arse at this point and since there was a natural pause, I just stood up and Lyn came with me.  The other lady is now somewhow convinced the organiser is an electrican and is trying to get his number too!  We turn around and there’s Mo and the organizer both giving this lady messages and working like a tag team, while all she wanted to know was where she could get a reliable electrician, was quite funny.  Two people that night asked for Mo’s number. 

Now if id known Mo could do this before coughing up my hard earned pennies, I would have been round Lyn’s for a cuppa tea and a session. Anyhoo…the whole night was pretty funny with Lyn’s mum being my sole source of entertainment. At some point ill blog what the reader actually said to me

I'm off to have my tarot read tonight. I wonder if they'll tell me something i dont know. I'll blog what they tell me.

And on a good note, my mums coming to visit from portugal tomorrow, and i cant wait! I get a whole week with my mum and i get to revert to being a kid again

So ages ago i applied to join an archery club and i finally got offered a place! I get to go and shoot stuff on 2nd May (hopefully not people!)

I'm really excited *bursts*

                                           

So far ive managed to email two people without the attachments, given my home postcode instead of my work one and had a conversation with a complete stranger about bollox because i thought it was someone else!  He turned out to be a Humanist....its only 10.35

Woke up late this morning...rushed around like a octopus on speed!  Arrived at work still feeling half asleep.  It must have been bad coz everyone kept asking if i had had a good night out last night (cheeky gits).  Anyway, ive woken up now, feeling good and positive about stuff. 

Have decided to quit smoking (again) but im so sick of quitting that if i dont manage to quit this time, im not gonna try for another year!  I've also decided to loose the weight.  So i think im going to go Pro on this blog thing, so i can start my own Fat Fighters section hehe

I am feeling all powerful and awesome today, so it's a good a day as any to sort myself out  w00 h00 to Monday's

there it is

Wow come on here and theres people still awake!?! Good morning   Hope everyone had a good night!

I've woken up in a much better mood today. Yesterday i was all mardy and dark, and no for particular reason. Just one of those moods, ya know how it is

Have a good day y'all

I find Japan and the culture really interesting. I'm hoping to go there next year and ive been trying to teach myself how to speak the lingo! Anyway, i came across this picture which is of a sign that can be found on the Japanse Metro.

Absolutely fricking typical....date tomorrow and Mount Kilimanjaro has erupted on my face! It's really not one you can cover up and kinda ignore, this beauty is all consuming of my face

Not a serious spot for months and now this beast has taken me....help

I'm off to Bournemouth for the day . I'm just so fecking tired at the mo..i got eye burn

I'll wake up soon

Love this video...

Is it wrong that i like listening to this song when im applying my make up??

I like to play games on line, mainly css. Last night was no different...hads lot of sangria & was enjoying playing my game. Ive met some good people via this game, and infact one of my best friends through it. I'll tell you more about him another time, he's quite a special dude to me.

A long long time ago my then bf was addicted to this game. I'd go over and he'd be playing it and i'd be moaning about it. I needed the attention, but how can one compete with a computer game? Trust me, i tried luring him away with sexual promises, food and wine which worked for for a while but then he went back to the bloody game! I think in an attempt to shut me up, he bought me the game too. And i got into it and thought hey this fun. Anyway we eventually ended up parting ways. I also met my ex through this game. He was lovely but so young...21. Lots of things were right, but lots of things were wrong. He's the nicest bf ive had in terms of romance and genuinly caring for me and what happened to me. But at my age i'm looking to settle down, have a few kids, maybe a dog and well it wasnt fair to ask him for that. To be honest he was nowhere near ready for any of those things, so we parted ways too. And now here i am again...i cant help but feel here we go again!

Why do i feel like a debt collector? I'll tell you why, because my friend who owes me £300 decided to pay me £150 and spend the rest of her money on a bloody PS3 . The reason she was only paying £150 was because she was skint...I feel guilty asking for whats rightfully mine. Why should i??? And its because i have to keep asking and asking. If i owed anyone money, id be eager to pay it back asap. Grrrrrr

I went out to Richmond with a couple of friends tonite. Lovely weather and people generally seeming in a good mood. I often feel a bit self concsious when i go out, like im so hideous i should just remain in the safety of my home hehe After a few drinks i felt all human again and really couldnt give a fuck... gotta love alcohol

I hope this world sorts itself out. We really are our own worst enemies

I've always wanted to go to a fancy dress party, but i've not been to one yet (i feel i am missing out on some big life event). So i figure since im the big 30 this year, im going to have to throw my own fancy dress party

My brother and sister already know what they're going as. My brother has been a spiderman wannabe ever since he was like 5. My mum bought him these Spidey pj's which he insisted on living in. I remember going to the supermarket with him in his PJ's and him being devasted when it had to be washed. He's 27 now and he cant wait to get his outfit. My sister wants to go as wonderwoman - she likes the theme tune. I still have no idea, but i got lots of time to think. This isnt happening just yet, im just trying to be organised....such an effort for me

So i was sitting at my pc, browsing through nothing, when i heard this buzzing noise near my ear. I turned around at there it was, killer wasp. It stared at me, i stared back, heart pumping in my throat What to do??? I dodged a few air assaults like a stealth ninja. Ah, get the Wasp Killer from the kitchen, that'll sort this fucker out. I legged it downstairs, then legged it back up, cannister poised for action...but wait, where was said wasp? The sneaky thing went into hiding. I swept over my room, but no, couldnt find the killer. Decided going out and fumigating my room was the way to go. Came back home yesterday, swept the room for a dead body and nothing. Was paranoid all night about this vicious beast coming back to get me when i was asleep. So i went to bed about 1am, i was convincing myself that it must be dead. It hadnt buzzed around all night etc etc etc. 4.30am, i am still convincing myself that i was safe! I was buried under the duvet, just my eyes poking out, i was sweating hot but totally aware i could be attacked at any moment. Ended up watching Lost, 24 and Shanghai Noon lol

While searching for a pic of a hairy woman (see earlier post) i came across this website. I've just fallen in love with these photos, no idea why, some are freaky, i warn you now

Click Me for more

So i've been officially single since october, and its been ok. Tonights the first night in a long time that i really just miss having someone to snuggle down with and stroke my hair. Maybe i was a dog in my previous life...

p.s. testing out this music thing

This just makes me giggle! They're the equivalent of the AA

Just enjoyed driving around today with some good music and a gentle breeze caressing my face. Everything seemed so perfect, even bad drivers werent annoying me - went to Jans, Snazzys & G's. It's been so warm, the suns been shinning, lots of men without t-shirts  - everyone seemed to be enjoying it.

Need to lay some vinyl tiles down in the bathroom, but think ill do that tomorrow now.

I work in a primary school as the school administrator.  There are definate benefits like the holidays, short hours and nice kids, and im grateful for those bits.  But i get days, like today, where i get totally fucked off with the people i work with, namely the Head, whos a demonic sociopath (putting it nicely).  If she were just a bitch, i could handle that.  She's twisted, sneaky, manipulative, a liar and well the list goes on...i'll write more about her soon.  She is remarkable for all the wrong reasons.

I have had such a shit day and its only gone 12.30.  Its the end of the financial year and we break up on Wednesday.  Got so much to do.  Had a ciggy and a cry earlier i got so pissed off .  Feeling better now as im writing
 

I need to reconcile bank statements / account system by end of today
Set up a Special Creditors List
Sat in interviews this morning for dinner ladies (have to do paperwork for the lady that was apointed)
Write some cheques
Make sure audit trail is fine - i have the auditor coming in straight after holidays
Do the paperwork for the infant children starting junior school in September
Do a data trawl for the Dfes (report of kids with things like ethnicity, free school meals, first language blah blah)
Provide information to our local borough about our pcs so we can receive a software upgrade

And thats on top of the usual school day stuff, like cut knees and sprained ankles

Sometimes i wish i had the balls (not physically) to get up and do something like fuck off abroad for a year.  But i'm such a creature of comfort

Things get crazy here because of the head.  She is what a term an office 'flapper'.  Comes in squaking, flapping her wings and shitting all over everyone. There really is no point planning ahead, because as soon as the seagull comes in, it all has to change anyway ffs