Or infact on my bike. I bought me a bike today!! Being an utter short ass, i had to buy a bike with a teeny weeny frame and wheels. The last time i rode a bike was about 20 years ago (fucking hell i sound old ).

So after buying my lovely new bicycle, i thought i'd better test it out before riding home on it. So i went to the giant Lidl's car park near Halfords and rode round in circles like an utter twat, until i felt like id got my balance back  Was so much fun riding home!!

Forgive me father, for i have not sinned. It has been 2 months since my last good seeing to. Help...

It started with a conversation with a friend about condoms and we both felt there was much room for improvement. The 'One size Fits All' attitude is redickulous, leaving some guys either feeling like a Pencil Dick or that they're packing a Donkey Dick in their pants. Mr Average can take a deep breath at this point, your love muscle is 'normal'.

How does it work i hear you asking? Well this is what it looks like. Purty huh? It's a cannister. You insert said schlong in there, give it a squirt, and in a few seconds your covered, dry and ready to go exploring.

The German doctor poses with his creation to demonstrate the virsatility of the spray on condom using different sized nobs. The man is a genious.

Mr Vinzenz is actually looking for testers! If your interested, please sign up here and report back to this blog with your findings. I should say that it would probably help if you lived in Germany.

The ladies out there may be feeling a little left out, but never fear, i have found us an equivalent! This time the clever Chinese have come up with an answer, the Ladies Liquid Condom. The applicator looks, err intersting. Unfortunately we do not have the luxury of purty cannisters to match our shoes.

So this is how it works, its basically an antiseptic foam that forms a physical membrane inside your mooey. It's alleged to 'protect against pregnancy and STD's whilst providing a lubricated effect'. And voila!  I have no idea how you're meant to remove the antiseptic sack, i dont think i really wanna know.

And before you ask, i dont know if thats a man or woman either.

I was rudely awoken at 8 this morning by my friend, i wasnt to happy until i read the text 'Omg its snowing!!' I've never know myself to move so fast - I was like a kid!! Jumped out of bed and ran into the garden in my PJ's to have a little play   Snow in April, craziness!!  But i wuv it!!  Had to come in though because i couldnt find my gloves and i got cold!

Everything was soooo quiet outside. No cars, no planes, no birds...was eery in a cool way